Living in a fantasy

To the commissioner of the Vicious Viking Fantasy Football league:
First, I want to thank you for the opportunity to compete in your league this year. I know some members were reluctant to take in someone with so little fantasy football experience. I promise to take seriously the responsibility of managing the statistics of millionaire athletes who neither know nor care that they exist and I appreciate you allowing me in at only twice the normal entry fee and. I hope I do not disappoint you or the rest of the fantasy coaches. They seem like a great group of guys.
However, before we get too far into the seasons there seems to be some draft-related draft confusion I'd like to get cleared up. If you don't mind, I'll go round by round so we can clear things up.
Round 1: This is a big one. Clearly I was joking when I announced my decision to take Vikings quarterback Tarvaris Jackson with the first overall pick. I thought that was obvious when I made that "T-Jack? More like cheddar-jack" comment and everyone laughed. In retrospect they might have been laughing at something else. Anyway, my intended pick here was Packers quarterback Aaron Rodgers. Please make that change.
Round 2: I'm thrilled with this pick. I never would have expected Tom Brady to be available here? I'm excited about his durability. This is one guy you can count on having on the field week in and week out.
Round 3: Honestly, someone should have pointed out that LaDanian Tomlinson had already been taken. I'll admit I was managing the stats of my World of Warcraft character and not paying as much attention as I should have been, but fair is fair. I propose my opponent and I split LT's points or maybe alternate weeks with him in our make-believe backfields.
Round 4: A lot of the guys warned me against taking Adam "Pacman" Jones here. I understand it's a risk, given that he plays defense. But this is a guy who got suspended from the league for being involved in a fight that ended up with a dude getting paralyzed, then took up professional wrestling. Clearly you never know what he's going to do, and I like that kind of excitement.
Round 5: I hesitate to make any unwarranted accusations here, but I'm starting to think people were treating the new guy a little unfairly. Is it my fault I didn't know Walter Payton was both out of the league and several years dead? Where's the sportsmanship? I'd appreciate you replacing this pick with O.J. Simpson. Fair is fair.
Round 6: Apparently I drafted the Minnesota Gophers offensive line here. I have no idea how that happened.
Round 7: I really don't see the problem with drafting only the Vikings run defense here. If there was a rule against that someone really should have explained it ahead of time.
Round 8: It was explained several times during the draft that it's unusual to take three quarterbacks before drafting a single wide receiver but this just feels like the right place for T-Jack. Skål Vikings, right?
Rounds 9-12: In the interest of moving things along I let my fellow league members choose my receiving corps out of a hat but I seem to have lost the slips of papers with the players' names. I'm open to suggestions here.
Round 13 and beyond:I honestly don't remember what happened from this point on. I believe I had dozed off. If anyone can fill me in on how my team ended up I'd appreciate it.
As you can see these are all fairly minor issues and they should be easy to resolve. Now, if you don't mind a little good-natured "trash talk" — did I use that term right? — I am quite confident in the my team and believe you might just as well turn your entry fees over to me now. In the face, dudes!
Kind regards,
Nathan Hansen

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