Friday, September 05, 2008

Going nuts for the convention

For four days this week the eyes of the world will be on St. Paul as the Republican Party holds its convention and officially names John McCain its candidate for President.

Or, if not the world, then at least the United States will be paying close attention.
And, OK, if not the entire United States, then at least the Americans out there who are truly invested in the political process. That's gotta be at least a couple dozen, right?
There's not much surprise left in the political conventions these days. Where candidates once fought for the support of delegates things now are wrapped up well before the convention ever rolls around. The biggest uncertainty heading into this week's Republican convention had to do with whether McCain would choose Minnesota Governor Tim Pawlenty as his running mate. Apparently, though, McCain did not feel he needed help pulling in the coveted Pond Hockey demographic and instead went with a governor from one of the few states even colder and more remote than Minnesota.
With all the uncertainty removed from the process we're left with a series of overlong speeches meant to get people excited about the wagon to which they've hitched their Presidential hopes. It's the Academy Awards without the glamour, the star power or the awkward musical numbers — well, unless you count dancing delegates.
According to one news report last week the Republican convention is expected to draw such notable celebrities as the guy who played Toby on The West Wing — apparently forgetting he played a Democrat on TV — and Laura Prepon, who played Donna on That 70s Show — apparently forgetting that nobody much considers her a celebrity anymore.
You want a sign actual work is far from a priority this week at the Xcel Center? Consider that one of the big decisions local politicians made in the weeks leading up to the convention — right up there with whether to strip search everyone in the city or just people within two miles of the convention — was whether to allow bars to stay open later. Nothing says Serious Political Debate like a debate about how late you can get your last martini.
None of which should suggest the conventions can't be fun to watch. Barack Obama's speech at last week's Democratic National Convention was very good. And while McCain is not known as a dynamic speaker we can at least look forward to shots of delegates in clothing no self-respecting person should ever consider wearing outside of their own home.
Then, there's the promotion of the convention. A couple of weeks ago the committee responsible for organizing the convention sent me a media kit that included a bag of peanuts. I'm still trying to decide whether the message of the package was, "The symbol of the Republican party is an elephant. Elephants like peanuts. Isn't this whimsical?" or, "Republicans hate reporters with peanut allergies."
By the time most of you read this column the Republicans will have given their speeches and moved on from St. Paul. All we'll be left with is a bunch of memories and a faint smell of self-importance as we gear up for two more months of political campaigning.
Well, that and a bag of stale peanuts.



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