Don't make me chime you!

I'm....
I just....
I don't....
I'm sorry if I seem a bit incoherent at the moment. It's just ... have you ever read something that inspired so many thoughts and emotions you didn't quite know which one to follow? That's the way I feel right now.
I mean, how am I supposed to react when Time freaking Magazine runs a story on its web page about the growing trend in Japan that involves using a cell phone application to fight public train groping?
I don't mean groping public trains, obviously. I mean ... well, you know what I mean.
How do I react to the news that Japan, a country with a reputation for good manners, apparently finds itself the victim of a happy hands epidemic?
Should I be concerned it's become so difficult for Japanese women to keep their private parts private that many have turned to technology for an answer?
Should I worry that interpersonal skills have degraded to the point someone would rely on the assistance of a cell phone in a situation when a more direct response seems called for?
Should I hop a plane to Tokyo to find out just how effective this new kind of hands-free phone is?
I honestly don't know.
Here's the thing. According to Time this so-called "Anti-groping appli," released in late 2005, has recently climbed to No. 7 on the list of most popular cell phone applications. The free, downloadable program works by flashing what Time describes as a series of increasingly threatening messages from the gropee to the groper. The messages progress from, "Excuse me, did you just grope me?" (Does anyone ever actually admit this?) to "Groping is a crime." To "Shall we head to the police?"
There is not, so far as I can tell, a message that reads, "You want to keep those fingers, buddy?"
A "warning chime" accompanies each message, and users can advance from one to the next by hitting a button labeled "anger."
In other words, Japanese women are responding to blatant violations of their personal space with a chime, possibly the least threatening warning sound ever.
Citing numbers from the Tokyo Metropolitan Police Time reports that 1,853 people were arrested in 2005 for groping passengers on trains in Tokyo. Experts (in groping? In trains? It's not clear) say the actual number of incidents in which passengers are harassed is much higher, but women are embarrassed to report them.
I respect Japanese culture. I really do. It's given us reliable hybrid cars and dancing robots and cartoons about adorable creatures that fight to the death. But there are certain situations that call for good, old-fashioned American directness. Women shouldn't be embarrassed about getting groped. They should be ticked off. Not button-pushing, chime-ringing ticked off, either. I'm talking about in-your-face, call-attention-to-the-creepy-guy, "Buddy, your hand better not be where I think it is," angry.
Dealing with subway gropers doesn't call for an anger button. It calls for a button that makes a giant boot pop out of the top of the phone and kick the mister grabby hands somewhere that will get his attention a whole lot faster than a digital threat to call the cops.
Now that's some useful technology.

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