Super Bowls and celebrity splits

Some things that occurred to me as I recovered from seeing Prince's giant phallic silhouette during the Super Bowl halftime show:
• Everybody gets excited about the Super Bowl commercials, but if people really think jokes about people getting kicked in the crotch are so great why isn't my column more popular?
• Anybody who watched any TV at all in the weeks before the Super Bowl knows each 30-second commercial during the game cost advertisers $2.6 million. That comes out to something like $50,000 for every second of cleavage shown during the average beer commercial. Or $25,000 for every Chicago fumble during the game.
• According to USA Today the most popular Super Bowl commercial involved crabs worshiping a cooler filled with Bud Light. Seven of the 10 most popular ads were for Budweiser products. Other popular ads: One guy hits another with a rock in a fight for the last Bud Light; a Doritos eater crashes his car while ogling a woman; and two mechanics rip out their chest hair to prove their manliness after they accidentally kiss while eating a Snickers. Stupid people hurting themselves and those close to them. That's the way to move product.
• At what point does coverage of Barbaro's death officially constitute beating a dead horse?
• Honestly, this time last year there were like six people in the world who knew who this horse was and now that he's won a couple of races we're supposed to mourn him like we've lost a national hero? I like animals as much as the next guy, but how much longer do I have to fly my Kentucky Derby program at half staff?
• This week's Time Magazine features an item about Barbaro in the section reserved to mention the deaths of famous and important people. Meanwhile, Newsweek is examining the impact on our youth of Britney Spears and Paris Hilton going out without their undies. It's good to see serious journalism is alive and well.
• Up next: US News & World Report dishes on its best and worst dressed at the State of the Union and BusinessWeek examines the economic impact of Reese Witherspoon's divorce from Ryan Phillippe.
• I'm torn. I feel bad for knowing Reese Witherspoon and Ryan Phillippe just got divorced (and foolish for admitting it in print) but strangely good to know that Reese is single again. Do you think it's too soon to call?
• Then again, I'm not sure I want to date a chick with kids.
• Something I learned while looking to make sure I was spelling Phillippe right (sadly, I was): the web site www.ryanphillipe.com is devoted entirely to Minnesota-born actor Josh Hartnett. I smell an especially hunky lawsuit brewing.
• As far as I can tell, covering celebrities these days consists entirely of waiting for one celebrity to say something slightly mean-spirited about another celebrity, then running to the second celebrity to get their even more mean-spirited response, then repeating the process long enough to spark stories about how everyone's tired of hearing about this feud. You know who would make really good celebrity journalists? Just about any middle school girl.
• It's been really cold the last few days. I just wanted to make sure someone mentioned that to you.
• Am I too late to make a joke about Al Gore and global warming?
• A community celebration in Hartlepool, England has canceled its traditional sack race because it has gotten too expensive to insure the event. Up next at kids' fun day: Standing very, very still. The kid who stands the stillest wins. Also, everyone else wins. Trophies for everyone!
• There's like, there's love and then there's "Driving 900 miles with a plan to kill the woman who you think is making a move on the guy you like." Then, somewhere way, way beyond that, there's "Wearing a diaper while driving so you don't have to make as many pit stops." In other words, don't mess with NASA astronaut Lisa Marie Nowak. The Right Stuff, indeed.
• Maybe being single isn't so bad.