Words of wisdom

This being the graduation season there is no shortage of people willing to offer advice to the young men and women of America as they prepare to receive their diplomas. As commencement day nears for Minnesota high school students graduation speakers and newspaper columnists who never get asked to speak ,even though they would be totally awesome at it, prepare to share their wisdom, such as it is, with one more group of students about to head off to the real world. Or at least to college which, let's be honest, is only slightly more like the real world than that show on MTV where people spend all their time drinking and yelling at each other.
Live life to the fullest, graduates will be told. Aim high, speakers will advise. Always wear clean underwear and remember to call home, parents will admonish.
Words of wisdom come from all kinds of places this time of year. Places like the editors of the American Heritage Dictionaries, who recently released a list of 100 words they believe every high school graduate should know.
Some of the words on the list make sense. Nano-technology, for example. The science of really small things is an increasingly important part of everyday life, so it seems fair to expect high school graduates to at least know what it is. Plagiarize is a good one, too. It's important for college students to do their own work, so I guess students should understand what plagiarism is all about. Deciduous? Photosynthesis? Everyone knows discussions about trees and their ability to turn carbon dioxide into oxygen happen all the time in the hallways of college dorms.
It's a little harder to figure out why some of the other words made the list.
Take abjure, the first word on the list. It means to solemnly renounce, as in a belief. And while I realize college students change their views on any number of subjects, I don't see why they'd have to be so snooty about it.
Then there's expurgate, which the dictionary on my computer says means to remove material thought to be objectionable. This actually sounds like part of what I do in my job, but I think people would look at me funny if I started calling myself an expurgator. They might also start expecting me to pull this column out of the paper if they knew my job was to remove objectionable material.
I don't like the fact xenophobe is on the list, but that might just be because it's such a foreign-sounding word.
American Heritage Dictionary senior editor Steven Kleinedler calls the words on the list a benchmark against which students can measure themselves.
"If you are able to use these words correctly, you are likely to have a superior command of the language," he said.
That may be, but use them too often or in the wrong company and you are likely to have a superior wedgie, too.
With that in mind, I'd like to offer my own list of words and phrases every soon-to-be college student should know.
Ramen: A staple of any college student's diet. True story: A college friend of mine actually started yelling at a complete stranger after hearing him tell a friend he had no idea what ramen was. You don’t want to take that chance. Also acceptable: Easy Mac.
Nothing before 10: This phrase should be considered above all else when planning a schedule.
Snooze button: Understanding its proper use is important for any college student. It can be your best friend or your worst enemy.
Send money: Ramen and Easy Mac are cheap. Not free.
Priorities: There are a lot of distractions in college. Stay focused on what's important.
My computer crashed: Great for those nights when you're supposed to be writing a paper but Ferris Bueller's Day Off is showing on campus.
Good luck, graduates.