When good celebrities go bad

The potential for entertainment seems nearly endless when borderline celebrities (or, even better, former celebrities who have fallen on hard times) get desperate for money and/or attention. When you’re dealing with people used to having the eyes of the world on them, the opportunities for unintentional comedy go through the roof.
For example, you get things like Hollywood is Calling, a company that recruits celebrities (although they appear to apply the term fairly loosely) to make personal calls to anyone willing to shell out $20.
You want the guy who played Mr. Belding on Saved by the Bell to wish your mom a Merry Christmas? No problem. You want Seinfeld’s Soup Nazi to scream “No soup for you!” at an unsuspecting friend? Done.
If you’re willing to shell out $300, most of these celebrities will also make something called a phone appearance. I have no idea what that is, although the fact they’re on the phone seems to suggest someone is having trouble with the definition of “appear.”
I’ll admit there is a chance for some good entertainment here. Who wouldn’t enjoy getting a motivational call from former Incredible Hulk Lou Ferigno? Or a “Just called to say hi,” (one of the site’s suggested phone calls) from “Gilligan’s Island’s” Professor. I’m sure some people would be happy just to be reminded he’s not dead.
Granted, some of the site’s celebrities are a bit, well, lame. Maybe I’m the only one, but I couldn’t have told you Alex Michel appeared on ABC’s “The Bachelor if the site (hollywoodiscalling.com) hadn’t told me that. I imagine he would be endlessly annoyed if someone hired him to congratulate me for something and I spent the entire call asking him who the heck he was.
Other celebrities and their claims to fame: Edwin Neal (voice of Dr. Robotnik in Sonic the Hedgehog); Dr. Elmo (recorded “Grandma Got Run Over by a Reindeer” and voiced two parts (narrator and Grandpa) in the Grandma Got Run Over by a Reindeer animated movie, a true Renaissance man); Mike Walker (columnist for the National Enquirer); and, my personal favorite, Jim Lazer Starr (American Gladiators (appears as Lazer)).
Perhaps even better, though, is the news that Mr. T is making a comeback. According to England’s Sun newspaper, “80s icon” T, as I like to call him, is returning to public consciousness with a part in Rocky VI (itself a prime example of a celebrity not knowing when to just go away), a new reality show and even a comic book.
“There’s a new generation out there and they like me and I’m honored by that and grateful to God,” T told the Sun.
The new Rocky movie certainly has the potential to be a train wreck of monumental proportions, but I’m most intrigued by the new TV show, called, predictably, “I Pity the Fool.” In it, T does his part to solve the problems shared with him by ordinary people – that is, the kind who don’t wear 75 pounds of jewelry on a daily basis.
I’ll let T explain.
“For example, a lady might write to me saying she’s having trouble at a car dealership, because she’s the only female employee and the men are harassing her. So I’ll go in and straighten things out.
“I learn about the situation, observe for a couple of days and then call the guys into a meeting and give them the Mr. T rap – ‘I tell you fools, don’t you disrespect no lady. My mum is a lady!”
“I don’t get physical with anyone, but I talk to them man to man and brother to brother.”
I’m not sure the “Mr. T rap” wouldn’t actually cause more problems than it solved, but I’m honestly thinking of making up a problem just so I can get Mr. T to hang out at my office for a few days. I feel it would immensely reduce the amount if jibber-jabber that takes place there on a daily basis.
Now, if only I could get him to wish me a happy birthday.